Helping Men Find Their Identity in Christ

Married for more than a quarter century, Minneapolis police officer Jeff Hall thought he had "the marriage thing" down pat -- until his wife packed her bags and moved out.

Two days later, he walked into his first meeting of Leading Man, part of the men's ministry at Maranatha Assembly of God in Forest Lake, Minnesota.

Hall recalls leader Bob Headley advising men to cherish their wives because so many fail to, and then wonder why they have problems.

"Most of you don't realize the true state of your marriage," Headley told the group. "A lot of you are on the edge of disaster and don't even realize it."

With that statement, Hall fell to the floor and wailed.

"I needed to wake up and stop being so selfish," says Hall, who has since retired and works as a mechanic. "Guys prayed for me for 20 minutes. That started the healing."

These kinds of experiences are common as men get real and learn their identity in Christ, according to Headley, director of worship and media arts at the church.

Headley started the twice-monthly meetings in 2012 after repeatedly encountering troubled marriages. While wives cried out for help, husbands dismissed their concerns or didn't even realize the desperation of the situation, the pastor says.

"I couldn't keep meeting with guys individually and telling men the same thing one-on-one," Headley says. "I try to stay centered on things that matter to home, church, and community. Their identity in Christ has been one of the most repeated topics. If they don't know who they are, how in the world can they lead?"

While 40 to 50 men attend the sessions, Leading Man is only one of an array of men's ministries at Maranatha, located about 30 minutes north of Minneapolis.

Among others are a monthly Saturday morning men's breakfast, a Friday morning Bible study led by Senior Pastor Mike Haseltine, small groups that meet throughout the week, and an annual men's conference.

Ed Werneke, the volunteer director of men's ministry, also organizes such outreaches as rebuilding a shop destroyed by fire after learning the owner lacked adequate insurance; enlisting several dozen volunteers to serve at a recent church women's banquet; and car care days, where men change engine oil and perform other automotive maintenance for widows and single mothers.

"This shipwrecked my life," says Werneke, who was lukewarm to men's ministry before catching a vision for it from Haseltine. "I was ready for retirement -- buy a house in Florida and be there six months a year, and I couldn't do it. I couldn't leave this church."

However, sponsoring cool outings or guy-oriented activities isn't the key, says Haseltine, who helped his father start the church in 1981 after two years as a youth pastor.

Haseltine says too many church leaders think about organizing a program to attract men without first answering the question: what does it mean to be masculine and a Christian?  

"The church has unwittingly said to be spiritual you have to be a woman," says Haseltine, one of three executive presbyters in the Minnesota District. "I don't believe God wants men to be anything different than what He created them to be. By nature, we're loud and we wreck stuff."

The senior pastor leads by example, driving sprint cars every Friday night in the summer at Wisconsin's St. Croix Valley Raceway. He rides motorcycles, too. Not surprisingly, Maranatha AG hosts regular "bike blessing" services.  

The pastor estimates that half the 1,000 or so worshippers who show up on a Sunday are men.

Among those who are glad for this emphasis are Hall and his wife, Joan. Since reconciled and about to celebrate their 29th anniversary, Hall says Leading Man helped transform his marriage by teaching him to be transparent about "the things that are going on inside."

"The key to men's ministry is finding a network of guys I can confide in," Hall says. "Whatever I'm going through, day or night, I can call and talk to them."

Kenneth C. Walker

Kenneth C. Walker is a freelance writer, co-author, and book editor from Huntington, West Virginia. He has more than 4,500 article bylines and has written, edited, or contributed to more than 90 books.